Death by hash browns

OK, let me preface this by saying that I exactly didn't set out to find this recipe. I have a bunch of cans of condensed soup that I wanted to use up to free up some space in my cabinets, so I searched for recipes that contained both cream of chicken and cream of celery soups. And this is what the Internet came up with. Oh, Internet, why are you trying to kill me? What did I ever do to you?

Creamy hash browns, or, as I like to call them, "This is the day you're going to die."

The only remotely healthy thing in this whole concoction is a bag of frozen hash brown potatoes (I guess that's kind of a vegetable) and a whole red onion. Oh, and black pepper. Other than that, let's read about the parade of fat and salt in this beast, shall we?

• 2 cups shredded cheese (recipe calls for fake (i.e. "American") cheese, I used cheddar)
• 2 cups sour cream
• 1 can condensed cream of celery soup
• 1 can condensed cream of chicken soup
• 1 lb. bacon, cooked and crumbled
• 1/4 cup butter

Shit. If you want to look at what a chunk of fat looks like, check this out:


You mix it all together and cook in a crock pot for 4-5 hours. That makes this a pretty nifty little party food, assuming you also call 911 in advance.


Honestly, this was pretty tasty (duh), but I'm thinking maybe I could try leaving out the bacon and using a pound of cooked greens instead. (Although if I'm making it for my extended family, I had probably better leave the bacon in.) I was reading the comments section to see if anyone actually died after eating this, and I found out that some people leave out the bacon and put in cubed ham, which I could see, too.

I'm off work today, so I made this for lunch, and we ate it as a side with some leftover gyros. I have a friend coming over for lunch tomorrow, and even though I like her a lot and don't want her to have a heart attack as I watch, I'm going to do a comfort food-style surf and turf with this as the turf. (The surf will be wild-caught cod from Whole Foods, so I guess that should make it up to her.)

Make this, if you dare.