Guest Post: Arteries be Damned!

Greetings food lovers, our intrepid blogetrix has asked me to stop in and talk about what I humbly consider to be the greatest snack in the history of western civilization:

BACON CANDY

Bacon Candy is, of course, exactly what it sounds like -- life-affirming pork. I got the idea from the ever-brilliant Glenn Reynolds. Basically, it involves candying some bacon, and then defribulating your guests.

Ingredients:
Bacon (pork, turkey bacon is for little girls and guys who don't like loud music)
Brown Sugar

Equipment:
1 heavy saucepan
aluminum foil
(optional but useful) George Foreman-style grill, or other device for rapidly cooking a lot of bacon

Before we begin, I have a few words on portion sizes. For Thanksgiving, I made 3 pounds of this stuff. This was a large gathering, about 25 people in total with 13 gluttoneous males, and I should have made about 5 pounds. In my weaker moments, I have eaten a pound on my own (needless to say this left me quite unable to walk the next day). In any event, you should plan on making more than you need, this stuff is very addictive.

Preparation:
1. Cut all the bacon strips (assuming normal, store-bought bacon in a package) in half.

2. Cook the bacon.
- you can cook any way you like, just be sure to save a TBSP of bacon fat for every two pounds of meat.
- Cook the bacon thoroughly. This is really the one critical step in the process. I don't care if you like your bacon a little chewy, it won't candy properly. You MUST cook the bacon to a nice crispiness.

3. Put the bacon on some paper towels to absorb as much grease as possible, and let the bacon cool.
- This is where the George Foreman comes in handy; it keeps most of the grease off the meat. Just work with what you have. If you want to make a lot of it, try putting cooling rack on baking sheets, and baking the bacon in the oven.

4. Toss some of the bacon fat leftover from cooking (you should really save all the bacon fat you can, it come in handy for many different recipes) in your saucepan, but don't turn on the heat.

5. Add brown sugar and water to the saucepan. How much depends on how big your pan is. The end goal is to have a 1/2 to 3/4 inch deep pool of brown sugar syrup. I prefer a wider saucepan -- that means I waste a little brown sugar but save a lot of time later on. Just put a cup or two of brown sugar into the pan, turn the heat to low, slowly add water, and stir with a whisk to dissolve. The idea is to add just enough water to dissolve the sugar, and then let it slowly simmer for a few minutes.

6. With the heat low and the syrup simmering, immerse the bacon.
-This is where a large saucepan is useful. Just make sure each piece gets nice and coated.
- Once the bacon is coated, no need to leave it in the sauce. Lay each strip out on some foil to dry. After drying for a few hours, the bacon should be a little sticky, rather crunchy, and massively delicious.

7. Contact your cardiologist.

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and that is that. I had originally planned to have photos to go along with this recipe, but last batch smelled so damn good that I raced through the process so that I could eat it quicker.

If Val doesn't find my tastes too disgusting, I'll try to drop in from time to time with more thoughts on food. I have some interesting, if perhaps differently-appetizing meals planned for the rest of my vacation, and if I can find my camera they might find there way to this blog.

Cordially,
Cabbage